SLK News

Being the beginning of the second quarter, I thought I’d take some time to update you on State Library news and the changes we are making to cope with the dismal economy: 

• Cindy Roupe recently instituted a unique cost-saving measure:  rather than hire additional staff, the Reference Division has purchased a Magic 8 ball to help them determine the likelihood of passage of a bill!

•  In the hopes of generating additional funding, SLK staff are now encouraged to respond to any emails received from Nigerian millionaires.  Cindi Hickey has already heard from a Mrs. G. Otcha BamboozLed, who, we understand, is transferring $8,000,000 to the State Library’s budget account as we speak.  

• To help keep costs down on books for the 2009 Kansas Reads to Preschoolers program, Roy Bird chose a self-published tome titled You’re Not the Boss of Me!  The book is written by an 8-year-old and encourages children not to eat their vegetables and to inculcate innovative whining techniques when out shopping:  i.e., “But I waaaaant it!”  The illustrations are hand crayoned, and the binding is stapled, but the price is right!!  

• We have reviewed a number of cost-cutting options for Toni Harrell’s travel from Emporia to Topeka.  The most cost-effective alternative seems to be hitch-hiking.  All staff should be aware that occasionally Toni may be late to meetings. 

• In an effort to raise funds, we have entered Jeff Hixon in Dancing with the Stars and Shannon Roy in American Idol.  Jeff will be doing a jaunty foxtrot by himself and Shannon will be singing a rousing version of the Stars and Stripes Forever in “cat-speak.”  Most of us are cheering them on, but Rush Limbaugh wants them to fail. 

• Marc Galbraith will be leaving the State Library in May to pursue a career in acting.  “I caught the acting bug during the State Library Road Show performances and I just can’t get it out of my blood.”  Galbraith is due to audition for a major role in the action film “Runaway Book Cart,” to be released in 2011. 

• The legislature halted funding for the statehouse renovation.  Unfortunately, construction had already begun and a ball and crane smashed a big hole in the wall near Janie Rutherford’s office area.  Always one to see the bright side, Janie remarked, “I’m so appreciative to the state for giving me an office with fresh air and a wonderful view!”  Rutherford has put in a request for a bird feeder, sun screen lotion and a striped umbrella. 

• In an effort to reduce both labor and postage costs, all state documents will now go directly from the state agency issuing them to our trash can.  Bill Sowers commented that he has never enjoyed his job more! 

• Unfortunately, CFO Bonnie Keim will be taking a long, long “vacation” to recuperate from the legislative session.  As she was escorted out for her “vacation,” she was heard mumbling:  “first they say 1.5%, then they say 6%, then they say 21%…..” 

• Patti Butcher just announced a new Gates initiative that brings millions of dollars to the state.  Patti said that the money has no strings and quoted the Gates Program Director as saying that the State Library was free to spend it any way they wish.  She went on to say that the Foundation believes the State Library knows what is best for Kansas libraries and will put the money to good use. 

• Upon hearing of the hardship that their proposed funding reductions would incur, Kansas Legislative leaders said “never mind.”  They went on to outline how they would restore the funding to libraries and provide a healthy increase to compensate for “all the hard work Kansas librarians do!”

Now you know this is the April 1 column!!!

 

In jest,

 

Christie

 

This entry was posted on Friday, March 27th, 2009 at 12:34 pm and is filed under Apr09, Librarians & libraries, SLK Newsletter, State Librarian. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.